That’s What They Say: how a girl decides how to feel

Wake up; convince yourself Real Life is not in this bed. Get up.

Proceed to the mirror. Use your groggy morning eyes.

Make the TIP: Today’s Important Assessment.

It will set Today’s Tone–be fair!

Arm check—your biggest problem, especially today. Saggy. Whyisn’tthereapilltofixthis? Stomach—better than yesterday; thighs—Improvement Points

Verdict: today I will feel fine-ish. Fine-ish but not good. Will keep “Good” on reserve for when it is needed most.

Something is wrong…something is wrong…something is veryvery wrong with meeee…

You sing this to yourself—and it’s only silent to the world outside your head.

To you it is very real and very necessary. It is necessary to occupy your brain with this Truth.

Self-help note posted to your mirror: No one can decide how you feel about yourself but you. 

Self-help note posted to your mirror: Make today great! (edges wearing down; stickiness of note dissolving; trash this note).

Here I am—deciding! I wouldn’t say I’m impervious to all the information constantly streaming out there, but definitely I am my own critic—good and bad! Personal Responsibility! Etcetera!

The song continues…actually a pretty little tune—I woke up to-dayyyy! The sun was shining upon my skin with the wrinkles before me I started to grin and then remembered…maybe when you feel better about yourself you will change the lyrics and it will become a smash Broadway hit!

ALL THE MORNING FEELS, THE MUSICAL!

You’d better get on that, though. Trendy Phrases—do they still call this “slang” and Broadway waits for no-woman. But you are too old to be a lead in anything…

YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB OR YOUR FAMILY OR YOUR PLACE OR YOUR FAVORITE BRAND OF UNSWEETENED ALMOND MILK OR YOUR OR YOUr OR YOur OR Your OR your Or your or your…but you can write a musical.

not with these arms… 

You see a stray dish—washing dishes calms you; helps you feel like there is a path to order, and it involves soap so that path is clean.

How many likes did I get to-dayyy on my Insta-instagram accooooount?

The singing continues; the dish done. You have 13 likes—after a whole night’s sleep. You are not gonna cryyy about this but—but. The feels, the morning feels. The sense that something is very wrong with me.

But I am impervious to Outside influences; only I can decide how I feel about myself. RIGHT? Only I decide how to feel today–if it’s ok to live today—how my life should go. Only I decide if today’s a day to feel ok.

That’s what they say. That’s what they say. That’s what they say.