I woke up my version of early this morning and did what “They” advise against for good psychological health. I reached for my iPhone, checking the Usual Suspects: the FB, the IG, the Email (EM?)…my bank statement. I’d already woken up with a twinge, but seeing that dang “this happened X years ago” photo increased the twinge to an actual feeling…which threatened to become—not a Capital “C” “Crisis”—but a “life concern” moment.
Perhaps you know the one–where you’re certain everyone else has found or at least tripped over a Purpose and YOU are the only one bumbling about in the dark with a broken flashlight app. I thought I’d tell you about mine in case you were feeling anything similar—solidarity, etc. And honestly, also because this justification gives me a sense of, well, “Momentary Purpose” for writing thoughts about Purpose instead of “getting a real job” or working on other writing. #slipperyslope
My Tuesday Angst growing in intensity, I leave better judgement to the experts and slide down the aforementioned slope, thinking less “What’s it all about?”—I’m pretty clear on that; not even “Why are we here?”–not important right now. Nope, not even the hugest ‘W’ of all—the Other ‘What’, “What happens when it’s over?” Not going there. It was more general that all that. Just a moment of…
“Am I ok like this? Just me, here in this room, alone but (mostly) not lonely?
“Is it OK that I feel ok?”
“Cripes”, I think, “I should stop right there and go back to lizard stalking (*Instagram reference) …but I won’t. I’m following this slope to its bitter end”.
Continuing down, I start thinking about the sorts of people who have chosen to live alone or mostly alone.
- Benedictine Monks
- College graduates who love computer games…
- Cat Ladies (Calm down! I know you’re not alone because…cats)
But my brain is not firing on all cylinders just yet. I run out of ideas pretty fast. I consult the Oracle, Google.
I type, “examples of people who live alone” and it directs me to the following articles:
And my personal favorite,
You’re probably expecting me to pass along some key insights gleaned from this Googling. But once again, against my better judgment, I’m gonna be honest—I didn’t read them. I didn’t even click. Because by this point in the morning, I was hungry and wanted coffee. For this moment—just this one—I had found my Purpose: fuel. And I had to get it myself because…